Friends!  Oh, friends.  It has been SO LONG since I've complained about everything in my life!  Usually I try to remind myself of all the things I am lucky that I have, such as cute snuggly kitties, good friends, a lovely imported boyfriend, food, clean water, etc. But sometimes?  Well sometimes I just liked to be selfish and I like to think all about myself.  I like to think that the world centers on ME and how the world is so unfair to me.  Lately I've been holding bitch session in my head.  Keeping it all on the inside until one day I will explode and will strangle squirrels with my bare hands.  Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Number Uno on my shit list are the two drivers I encountered this morning (isn't it always the road rage that comes first?).  Now before you go ahead and assume this is because I am a GIRL and that I am a shit driver, I'd like you to first bite me, and then consider for a moment that actually I'm a pretty good driver and I can parallel park with the best of them.  I'm not saying I'm excellent or that I'm always right, but there is the subtle hint that I rock the shiznit.

Anyway my parking lot and driveway is shared with the small apartment building next door.  This morning, there was a taxi idling with the alcoholic neighbor inside.  I go to pull out in front of it and apparently right at the same time she tries to drive out and then catches that I was about to do the same thing and then promptly throws her hands into the air.  Okay, this PISSES THE SHIT OUT OF ME.  First, what the fuck, lady?  I mean, you have been sitting on your ass there the entire time it took me to walk from my back door, across the porch, across my backyard, into my car where I had to put my stuff in the passenger seat and then start the car and then you're mad at ME for not waiting for you to go first?  Please tell me how the hell I was supposed to know that you were finally READY.  Too bad she probably doesn't know how to READ and therefore even if she knew about this blog, she wouldn't be able to enjoy to wonder and sweetness of my utter hatred of her.

The other driver I am currently fashioning a voo-doo doll for was the driver of a garbage truck who wouldn't let me pass him.  I understand that he is just doing his job and that his job kind of sucks.  But I'm trying to get to my job and you're going to make me stop behind you everytime you have to stop?  And then not let me pass??  I would explain more how he sucks and I rock, but I don't have the desire anymore.  I also think it's really not that interesting and I really have so much more to complain about!  Gleeee!

Other things that are grating on me:

1. School/Job angst.  The uncertainty!  The constant stream of negative results!  Man, I love science SO MUCH sometimes.  The failure of my hard work and the lack of funding for science in this country really makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.  The kind of warm and fuzzy that I'm sure Sauron feels for Middle Earth.

2. Lack of weekends.  People are going to rail me for this but yeah, I'm complaining about having a boyfriend who lives relatively close by.  Did you catch that?  Not even a long distance relationship!  It's actually mid-distance relationship.  Of course, one of us doesn't know how to drive and one of us lives at home with her parents.  But the having to cram everything into the week so that my weekends are completely free is seriously draining me.

3. Feeling fat and lazy.  I haven't exercized in a month.  This has really been bad because I can feel that I don't have energy and that it's completely due to lack of activity.  Easy to fix yet it's so FUN being psychotically lazy.

4. People who say: "Come on, smile!  It's not that bad!"  Seriously.  I mean, if I want to be dour and gloomy why shouldn't I?  And if you're in a bad mood, there's nothing else to say that really irritates you more.  When people say that to me I kind of want to strangle them and stab their eyes with a fork while saying, SMILE!  SMILE!!  IT'S NOT THAT BAD, YOU CAN GET NEW EYES.

5. Being a girl.  See, this is what I'm talking about right here.   Maybe I'm in a crappy mood because my body is being overrun by hormones and nature HATES ME.  And that blows.  The fact that I am not in complete and utter control of how I feel really really shits me.  You mean, I'm acting a psycho consumed by a jealous rage all because of little chemicals that have access to axonal membranes and can alter electrochemical gradients??  Fuck you, hormones.

6. Tetanus/diptheria vaccine.  Okay, so I had my yearly physically on Monday to check to make sure I'm not going to have a heart attack within the next week due to my lovely lovely genetic makeup.  Lo and behold 10 years have whizzed past and I'm due for my tetanus vaccine!  So that I don't get lockjaw!  Man, that shot HURTS.  My deltoid muscle on my right arm feels like Mr. T punched it a few times.

Most of this complaining is because I do not rule the world.  Life would be so much better for a control freak such as myself if I could just run everything.  Yeah.  Totalitarianism.  Bring it.

Self-absorbed bitching is fun!  Weeeeeeee.  Look at me, look at me!  I'm thinking only of myself!

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